Brad over at wordsell wrote an interesting piece on being a failsperson. It has inspired me to write a quick and dirty 10 ways to become a crappy blogger.

Do feel free to add a POV or two at the bottom!

1.Be an arrogant ass. Speak like some pompous bumptious numpty who knows it all.

2.Ignore your commenters. if someone new comes along and has something to say on your stuff, just ignore them, they might just go away and never come back.

3.Be a lazy splogger. Just go out and nick other peoples stuff and cut and paste it in your blog. people are thick after all, they might think wooo this guys cool, look what he wrote.

4.Write short short blog posts full of inane crap that add no value to anything whatsoever. Suggestions include. “Today, i looked out of the window. A white lorry obscured my view”

5.Consistantly criticise everyone in your niche or neighbourhood. People love a mean spirited bastard after all.

6. Edit your commenters comments to conform with what you say. Better still, just rewrite them totally, you’ll get a lot of inward links as a result.

7.Write stuff that is full of typos and appalling grammar and punctuation. People love to struggle to read things, why not make it easier for them.

8. Just blog once in every 6 weeks. You have better things to do with your time after all.

9. Link out to no one. If you really must, then obfuscate your links in redirects and javascript or just nofollow the buggers. keep that pagerank juice for your self. Its your blog after all.

10. Create pages about terrible terrible events and slap ads and affilaite links all over them. Its your blog after all, why shouldn’t you profit from someone else misery?

Related posts:

1. Why every blogger should have subscribe to comments checked by default
2. SEO blogger to SEO evil link selling bad ass spammer bastard

Don’t do it guys.

I’ve had an awful day – Herein follows a little rant.

I don’t mind viagra spammers or phram or casino spammers. I can filter them out. I have a little math thing that blocks them its useful and sometimes its even mildly amusing.

Self promo spammers, I don’t like them. Especially the kind who think Im some kind of thick fucking idiot who doesn’t recognise a link drop at 600 paces. I am not thick!

If you have built something that you like, then great I’m really pleased for you.

Please though, before you comment on one of my posts, please please please make sure that your comment is at the very least germane to the topic. Where it isn’t then please, just don’t bother, I will not post it, i will not promote you. Its fuckin rude, don’t do it.

I’m really not interested in posts that just self promote. Sure, i get that you are proud of what you’ve done and think its the best thing since sliced bread, but trust me, real gems are rare. They don’t pop up all over the shop, kick arse cool takes hard work and effort. Don’t think that a mere recreation of what’s already been done is going to cut it and make me, or anybody else for that matter, think wow, a same ol same ol tool that offers nothing, how cool – it aint gonna happen.

It’s just not good etiquette. Don’t waste your time ever, not ever please. Cos, here is what I’m going to do. I’m going to place a link to this very post at the end of each blog post, you know the part; where the comments section begins.

If anyone doesn’t take the time to read it and subsequently has the temerity to link drop and discuss their 3rd rate I’ve seen it all before offers nothing, absolutely nothing at all to the mix type tool or url, then be advised that I might (note the might word here, I do have better things to do too), just might blog about you. I’ll provide your email address, no link or reference to your site or moody tool/url and basically lambast your arse to kingdom come.

Thanks, sincerely

p.s If I think you are just after a link evident by anchor text and you happen to be a 1st time commenter who isn’t saying very much then I’ll remove the link to your URL. Don’t be offended mind, if you stick around enough and contribute a little I might decide that you are a nice so and so and allow subsequent links to stand. IOW, don’t blatantly game me

No related posts.